The world is won
by those who let it go. 
But when you try and try.
This quote is quite confronting to me, because when I am real honest my mind often tells me that there is something lacking. It gives me a feeling of stress, like there is something I have to do or get somehow to make me feel at peace and satisfied.
While in fact the true lack is inside of me......there is something deep inside which wants to be fulfilled, wants to be satisfied and entertained. Which gives me a thrill when I buy something new and makes me watch the TV all evening to entertain me and distract my mind from thinking.
But lately there has been a change....every time when my mind is giving me stressful thoughts again I just sit down with a cup of tea and reflect on the situation. Why am I feeling the urge to do or want something....what is the real reason?!
I found out that I was giving myself different tasks to feel satisfied. Sometimes I would plan a whole day in advance. But the happiness after fulfilling them always lasted for a short while. Very soon a new need came up and I could start all over again.
Now I try to focus on where the need is coming from instead of fulfilling it right away. And the more I practise it the more I see that I am actually in need of nothing.....
At the center of your being you have the answer;
you know who you are and you know what you want.
Even as a child I have had troubles with letting things go. I wanted to keep everyone and everything close by so I could touch and defend them. In fact... to keep control. Later on I learned that those things in life that are worth fighting for come in complete freedom to you. And in complete freedom they should stay. It is impossible to hold on to someone or something that is not meant to be with you. It needs trust to let go....
Today I reached that point again... to let go even for a short while always has filled me with an incredible fear. But today it felt different, it felt peaceful. It felt like a saw myself from above and saw how I was trying to hold on, affraid of loosing a loved one. But deep down inside I already knew that in true love there is no holding on.... just letting go...
It feels so good to let that convulsive retaining go, and to feel how so much fear went away along with it. It feels like I can breathe again and feel the true essence of love. When there is fear there is no room for love and now love has the space to blossom and grow :) 
